


i've got something to prove

by reclist



Category: My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:43:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reclist/pseuds/reclist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh," Ray says, kind of weirded out. "I just assumed, since Mikey is." And that's it. He talked to Mikey yesterday and he hadn't said shit.</p><p>"Oh." Gerard's tone is a bit harsher than he meant. "I didn't know Mikey was going."</p><p>Ray doesn't answer, he stays quiet for a few seconds before finishing with, "Well, we'll be there if you wanna join." As if Gerard needs a fucking invitation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've got something to prove

**Author's Note:**

> a thousand thanks to [mel](http://phylocalist.tumblr.com/) for being my #1 source of inspo and support & for being the nicest beta & friend ever :*

Gerard hasn't talked to Frank in a while. Gerard hasn't talked or texted or tweeted or  _anything_  to Frank in a while.

He figured it was normal to keep some distance after 12 years of so much happening all the time. It’s just that Gerard is kind of slow at these things and then it hits him like a ton of bricks that it’s been two years and he hasn't talked to Frank in months.

Everything happens when he finds out Mikey’s going to Frank’s show in L.A., and he thinks, _Shit. Shit, shit, shit_. Because that means either Mikey is in better terms with Frank than he is, which is bad, or Gerard is in worse terms with Frank than he should be, which is really bad.

Ray calls him one afternoon just to catch up. They talk a bit about music (not theirs or anything, just the records they've been listening to recently), a bit about comics, a bit about random stuff, and before he hangs up Ray asks, “I’ll see you at Frank’s show this weekend, right?” 

And Gerard kind of stops breathing for half a second. He has to make an effort to remember that this is a  _thing_ now, that they have concerts and tours and music-stuff that have nothing to do with each other. It’s a really stupid thing to forget: he also has his own concerts and it’s not like they didn't have side-projects when the band was still together.

Gerard figures out pretty quickly that it has more to do with Ray going to Frank’s show than Frank having a show itself _(duh)_ , and his second thought is that the answer is ‘Actually, no. I’m not going.’

“Uh,” he says instead.

Would it be wrong to answer no? Would it be worse to lie and say he’s not sure? Would it be the worst to admit he hasn't allowed himself to even _think_ about going to Frank’s show because he honest-to-God thought that none of them would go to Frank’s show because it was still too soon to go and he hasn't talked to Frank in fucking months. How the Hell is he going to just show up at his show? Fuck.

"Oh," Ray says, kind of weirded out. "I just assumed, since Mikey is." And that's it. He talked to Mikey yesterday and he hadn't said shit.

" _Oh_." Gerard's tone is a bit harsher than he meant. "I didn't know Mikey was going."

Ray doesn't answer, he stays quiet for a few seconds before finishing with, "Well, we'll be there if you wanna join." As if Gerard needs a fucking invitation.

"Sure, man. See ya." And hangs up and stares at his phone screen for a good 5 minutes debating whether he should call Mikey or Frank or no one.

  
Gerard opts for sleeping it off. At first he tries to draw and ends up not being able to hold the pencil still for more than a minute, so he goes to bed and sets an alarm in two hours not to waste the entire day sleeping.

Which he kinds of does anyways, because the alarm doesn't go off and when Gerard wakes up at past 7 o’clock his phone is vibrating on the nightstand and he has a headache.

Gerard rolls over, covering his ears with the pillow. His head is pounding. He reaches the nightstand and searches blindly for his phone before rolling again to his back.

“Yea’?”

“Gerard,” Mikey states.

“Yes.”

“Were you sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Silence. “It’s like 7PM.”

“Why didn't you tell me you're going to Frank's show? With _Ray_." Because okay, fine, Mikey doesn't have to tell him shit. But he's going to  _Frank's show_ with Ray and he didn't even bother mentioning it. Gerard can't think of any good reasons for that.

He’s pretty sure he can hear Mikey rolling his eyes.

"Stop freaking out."

"I'm not!" He dealt with the news by going to sleep, he's totally in control. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me. Ray called me earlier and he just _assumed_  I was going since you were."

Mikey shifts his phone on the other side of the line and sighs, he's probably leaning against the window frame.

"Look, I don't know what changed since March." Mikey doesn't need to specify the date. "lf I'm being honest I don't even want to know, because you and Frank have always been unnecessarily fucking complicated. I just want to let you know that you're the only one who's making a big deal out of this." What exactly does 'this' include, Gerard has no idea. "But you have to get off your ass for fucking once and at least _call him_ , for Christ's sake. He can take care of himself, he doesn't need you or anyone else making excuses or giving reasons why things turned out the way they did. It was for the best and we all agreed on that; he agreed on that too. So stop fucking moping around and drowning yourself in guilt because there's nothing to feel guilty about. Jesus, it's like we're all 19 again."

Mikey hangs up after that, like he's too fed up with Gerard's shitty reasoning to discuss the issue any longer. Gerard hates him. A lot. He doesn't even think that rant qualifies as a decent explanation.

The thing is, Gerard knows he doesn't need to explain to Frank, of all people, why the band was done (and despite of what a lot of fans seem to believe, it's not like Gerard decided to break it off all on his own while Frank cried and begged on the floor), but there's still this feeling of guilt, maybe even responsibility, awkwardly sitting in his chest. As if he should've warned Frank or something.

  
It's Friday night already and Gerard's been trying not to over-think it too much. He should just call Frank and say 'Hey man, I'll be there for your show in Saturday, we should hang out after!' and it wouldn't even be the first time that's happened. Gerard could just go without telling him and he's sure Frank would be totally pleased to see him.

But what if he's _not_. It doesn't even make sense in Gerard's head but he can't stop himself from wondering anyways.

He does call Mikey, though. Low-key trying to get a Mikey-Way-pep-talk that'll finally convince him to do something other than wonder ' _what if..._ ' but it doesn't work out as he expected. He finds out both Mikey and Ray are going with their respective partners, which makes him wallow in self-pity for a complete different reason.

He _should_ call Frank, he knows, because that's what a friend would do. So he doesn't.

  
On Saturday noon he makes up his mind, finally. He's gonna go to the show, and he's going to text Frank first, because his common sense might be a bit fucked up at the moment but it's still not that bad. He's going to text Frank, go to the show, hang out for a bit, come back home and get his own mess cleaned up.

Two hours later he thinks a text is probably not enough, that he should just call him and catch up normally if he's really gonna go. And off he goes again.

  
It takes him half a day to realize that this wouldn't have happened two years ago, so all of this is obviously on him and he's only making it worse. But every time he tries to analyze where exactly did things go wrong he ends up going through point A, B, and C and somehow always ends up in fucking Y. So he stops trying altogether before he does something stupid like, y'know, anything.

Gerard really fucking wants to go. He’s managed to write this three pages long essay in his head on why it’s a bad idea and how it’s going to fuck up whatever’s left of their friendship. He checks the time again, 7:53PM. He’s smoked two cigarettes today, a really fucking bad idea but he can’t help it.

He finishes the last drag, gets his keys and he’s out of the door before the clock hits 7:55.

  
Gerard gets there for the last song, he’s pretty sure. Frank’s not even singing, he’s just playing his guitar all on his own while the whole crowd sings back at him. Gerard’s frozen in place. There’s no way he can just go up to Frank after the show. Gerard feels so _sad_ , and he knows he shouldn't. He keeps repeating Mikey’s words in his head over and over, “ _It was for the best. He agreed on that too_.” It doesn't make him feel any better.

He has to be very careful that people don’t recognize him, so he stays in the back. He can hear perfectly all the kids singing ‘ _I don't know why it took so long to get back home,_ ’ and he watches Frank’s face and can’t help getting this mix of regret and relief, heavy in his stomach. Because maybe he’s been wrong all along and Frank doesn't regret anything; Frank’s probably glad he can spend more time with Jamia and his kids and, well, in consequence, less time with Gerard. Maybe that’s for the best, he just has to get that idea through his head and make it stay there.

Gerard leaves before Frank walks out of the stage. He doesn't think he’s strong enough to watch that again.


End file.
